The Moving Machine

It's come to my attention that I suck at blogging. Absolutely suck. I get sidetracked, busy, frazzled...then I forget. It's normal. Anyway, on to recent events...

Something has snapped inside G and he's gone from semi-controllable to the impish follower of the hooved one. I think if he could set things on fire with his mind, he would. Starting with me. Here's a normal conversation between G and I:

G: I want my juice
*I hand him his cup*
G: I DON"T WANT IT!!
*I sit the cup down*
G: I WANT MY JUUUUIIIICCCEE!!!
*I hand him his cup*
G: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *runs away to have tantrum*

Every single day. And not just regarding his cup. It's everything. What he wants to watch, what he wants to read, what he wants to play with, going potty...

On another note, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with this upcoming move. We'll be driving from California to Louisiana. Driving. With two psychotic dogs and two kids...one of which is a sensory seeker. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. Can I leave myself on the side of the road? It's not just the trip causing me high levels of anxiety, it's trying to get us situated when we get there. Husband is getting out of the Marines so we'll both be unemployed and without insurance. How will this affect G? He needs to be seen by a developmental pediatrician, occupational therapy and behavioral specialists. Also, all of those things are about an hour from where we're moving. How am I supposed to make this work? I just don't know where to start. It's all so overwhelming and frustrating because I'm doing it on my own. Husband is nestled blissfully in his denial bubble leaving the rest of us (me) to fend for ourselves.

Here's hoping I don't lose it. Here's hoping I can stand up for G and get him what he needs. Here's hoping I retain what little sanity I have left. Here's hoping my grey hair isn't too obvious.

Wooooo Wooooo Coming Through!

That title is supposed to be a fire truck noise. Excuse me for not knowing how to spell a sound. Anywhozit.....

I know it's been a while since I poured my heart out to my one follower (but many readers. Get on that guys and girls) so here I am to fill you in a bit. As we speak, G is simultaneously eating dog food and trying to sneak outside. It's too hot outside and I told him to play inside. Talking to a brick wall. (and he just dumped the dog food outside)

My best friend came over Monday for a sleepover because the husband and I had to go to a moving workshop Tuesday morning. G absolutely adores her. He says she's his girlfriend. I'll share a short conversation I had with G about his girlfriend...

Me: Alyssa's coming over
G: *excited noises*
Me: Is that your girlfriend?
G: YEAH!
Me: You gonna take her on a date?
G: Yep! Gonna go see the fire trucks!

(G and his girlfriend playing dress up)

The kid loves fire trucks. Pretty sure that's the best date ever. Just saying.

Other than the normal craziness that is every day life around here, it's been pretty boring. I started going to a spine and rehab center to see if they could fix my lower back problems. My pelvis is crooked and there's a slight curve in my spine. So it's trigger point massages and back adjustments for this girl.

One thing I am struggling with (HA! one thing...) is G's inability to keep books in one piece. He rips them apart. Two books lost their lives yesterday. "When Bunny Grows Up" and "There's a Wocket in my Pocket". This cannot be my kid. I love books like he loves trains and fire trucks. Because of his unexplained destructive attitude toward books, husband and I are now taking every book out of his room at night (even though he likes to read to himself sometimes) to save their lives.

Back to today, would it be a horrible thing for me to do if I put him back to bed even though he just got up? He's in a destructive, I-Don't-Wanna-Listen-To-You, refusing to be quiet, constantly in trouble kinda mood. I've been awake for an hour and I'm already questioning my sanity and my ability to deal with him effectively.  There has to be a line (somewhere)...anyone know where it is?

The Monster in the Closet

I really should start blogging in the evening. I'm entirely too zombie-like in the morning to form rational thoughts. But here goes nothing........

A good friend of mine (who you can follow on twitter @jstapes) told me "the lack of sleep is like having a newborn, but forever". How right he is! G still wakes up through the night. Two or three times, depending on his mood. Here's a peek at his bedtime routine (he goes to bed at 8pm):

Turn off the TV (if I do it, it's meltdown time)
Refill his sippy cup with juice (he has to hold it and it has to be juice. if it's water, it's meltdown time)
Climb the stairs and go into his room (carrying his pillow on his back)
Once in his room, he climbs on the monkey and looks out the window (he got a HUGE stuffed monkey for his birthday that affords him the chance to look out of his bedroom window)
Turn on his moon (he has a battery operated moon on his wall. he loves space)
Get into the closet and cover up (he recently started sleeping in there. it's his "hideout")
Arrange his animals in this order: bear, bunny, doggy (out of order animals will result in a meltdown)
Read any number of stories (usually it's Dr Seuss, his fireman book and some nursery rhymes. That could change depending on his mood)
I lay on top of him, using all of my weight, to "squish" him.
Hugs and kisses (which he needs to be on my lap for)
I scratch his back
Another kiss

After that last kiss, I leave the room. The whole process takes anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes. If he's not resisting, it'll get done rather quick, but if he's in meltdown mode it takes a lot longer because I have to calm him down enough to even start that process. If any one of those steps is skipped, he'll flip out and we have to start over. This is not the end to the process, however...oh no. He usually wakes up around 11pm or midnight and the entire process starts over with the added step of going to the potty.

When he wakes up, trust me, you'll know. He lays in front of his door making this God awful screeching sound while simultaneously kicking/hitting the door. You would think a serial killer is in there trying to rip his eyeballs out. I'm surprised someone hasn't called child services thinking I'm beating him...(I'm not, by the way. Although I've contemplated the garbage disposal a few times. The sound would just scare him more. I kid, I kid)

I hope, as he gets older, his sleeping improves. And when it does, most likely in his teen years, I'll be there to bang on his door at 6am while simultaneously blowing an air horn. This is the thought that gets me through my coffee induced, zombie-like mornings.

My Anxiety About School

School is still a year away, but we all know how time flies. My anxiety about G starting school is starting to get to me. For a number of reasons. G is a mama's boy. A hopeless mama's boy. I love having him around all day. We play, we laugh...sure, it's nice to get a break and school would give me the whole day to relax get some housework done, but the thought of my baby being so far away causes me some mild anxiety. I guess it's the change, how different it will be to not look over and see him smile at me.

The major cause of my anxiety is his social behaviors. He gets extremely nervous/scared around people. Not  even a group of people...just people. One person two people, or a group...he reacts the same way. Maybe he'll grow out of that by the time he goes to school, but what if he doesn't? What if someone tries to sit next to him at school and he flips out? I won't be there to calm him down or explain to the other kids why he does that.

What if this behavior causes other kids to bully him? I do NOT even want to think about my little boy with that sad look on his face as other kids tease him. It makes my heart hurt...physically hurt to think of this happening. Even now, a year away, it hurts me. G is different. Other kids don't understand him. Will his teacher be able to effectively calm him down when a meltdown happens? Will the teachers be able to protect him from the teasing and hurtful words?

I want to homeschool him so badly, but my husband wants him to be around kids and learn to be social. He wants him to have friends. I do too. But at what cost? There are no guarantees in life. I can't protect him forever. Life is tough. Blah blah blah...I just want to keep my baby in the next forever. I know I'm going to be THAT mom...the one driving behind the bus and sitting outside of the school all day...I am not ashamed to admit that (maybe a little).

This is what keeps me awake at night.

Building Frustration

So I was going to blog about something completely different and then today happened. Today's blog is (probably) going to be a big ole jumble of randomness, so try to forgive me.

I've come to the realization that I don't have 3 kids. I have 4. I didn't give birth to the 4th one, but I got him. My husband. I have asked him repeatedly to read the books I bought. (Parenting a child with SPD and Fun Activities for kids with SPD). Do you think he's done it? No. Will he do it? Probably not. Granted, the man hates to read, but G is his kid too. You would think he would have some level of interest in understanding what is going on.

Why does G have a meltdown when a fly lands on him? (Because it probably feels like he got hit with a brick)
Why does G have a meltdown if hair falls on him during a haircut? (Because it might feel like sandpaper)

Instead, he says things like "suck it up" or "it's only a fly" or "stop whining"...so it's up to me to now be mom, cook (sometimes), dishwasher (because God forbid my husband fill up the dishwasher), maid, laundress, nurse, therapist, wife, sex kitten, and everything in between. Someone tell me when the next bus to "Alonetown" comes through, because I am hopping on that bitch and taking two weeks off.

I just want him to TRY. I'm not asking him to suddenly know everything about SPD and miraculously understand G. Apparently asking him to try is asking too much. I need a vacation. A no kids, no husband, no cell phone, no computer vacation. But, I would spend the entire time worrying that the house is burning down or the kids are starving or someone closed someone else in the dryer....some vacation.

I'm starting to resent everyone around me. I missed my therapy session this week and I know that's why my anxiety and frustration is so out of control. Hopefully, I can get control of myself and snap out of this funk. Hopefully, my husband removes his head from his ass and opens his eyes. G has special needs. No big deal. Yes, he needs help with certain things but he's not a freak, he's not so different than other kids, and he needs positive attention from his daddy. He's actually a pretty cool kid. If I could only make him see...

The Train and Old Town

Yesterday, we decided to surprise G with a ride on the train. This kid LOVES trains. Absolutely loves them. If he could sit at the train station and watch them come and go all day every day, he would. And he would be content with life. Anyway, we went to Old Town, San Diego. For those of you that don't know, this place is awesome. It has covered wagons, people in period costumes, a "mountain man", a blacksmith, and gun makers. It's the Old West in the middle of the city.

The train ride down was pretty normal. L was a little cranky, but nothing too serious. G was in heaven. Once we got to Old Town, all G wanted to do was play in the wishing fountain. Until a little girl tried to make a wish. You'd think she'd walked up and stabbed him in the kidney. No more fountain for G. Next it was on to the water fountain. Until someone got thirsty and stood behind him. Once he realized someone was that close to him, he was done. He was glued to my side the rest of the day.

The train ride home was...interesting. G would not sit still. It was dark, so he couldn't see outside. That meant that he had to bounce around the train car. Luckily, we were the only ones in this particular section. He bounced from seat to seat, sat on the floor, fell down a couple times, bumped his head, and eventually started hitting the wall. We did, however, make it home with no injuries. Score 1 for team Nut House.

Wonder what he's going to do when he realizes there are no trains where we're moving......

OT Appointment (8-9-12)

Yesterday was G's OT appointment. First, it took us an hour and a half to make a trip that usually takes about 20 minutes. We live on a military base and a section of the base, right by the front gate) caught on fire. The road leading to the gate was blocked so we had to go 15 miles out of our way, in the opposite direction, to go out a different gate. When we finally got to the highway, it was a parking lot. Needless to say, G was NOT happy. We played the repeater for an hour and a half. It was just awesome. (did you catch my sarcasm?) When he got tired of that, he started kicking. Then squealing. Finally, the crying started. He stopped when he saw the building. It looks like a castle. He loves it.

Anyway, we were lucky they even saw us. We were 40 minutes late. Miss Lisa (his OT therapist) is so great. We talked about his sleeping habits and she agreed that a playpen (or a tent) would be a great way to give him the security he's looking for. Then she moved on to the therapy ball. He has no "catch reflex" so this kid of therapy is important for him. He doesn't like to have his head out of line with his body either, so she tried to get him to lay on his tummy on the ball and try reaching for things. It took a while, but he did it. Kinda. He doesn't like having his feet off of the floor. She thinks he would benefit from horse therapy. Something to look into for sure.

Then we moved on to the roller board. Again, he had balance issues because he over corrects when his head is out of line. She had him scooting (on his tummy) around the room picking up little toys. He kept falling off of the board but, toward the end, he got better.

She recommends that he be seen 2-3 times a week once we move back home. But for now, all we can do is once a month. Hopefully we can find great OT back home. Only time will tell.